Have a Holey-Moley Christmas!

What do you do with a dead Christmas tree?

No...I'm not talking about a dried up, needles-falling-off, sad little Charlie Brown tree look-alike. I'm talking dead FAKE tree!

While putting up my tree this year, I discovered two things...

     One - It's busted! The thing is over 20 years old, so it's due (perhaps it's "tinsel" strength has been compromised! Snark, snark...tinsel/tensile...get it?? I hate when I have to explain my puns!) - the thing has a serious lean at the top where the plastic in the joint has broken off...which happened sometime since last December (don't ask me how a tree, all wrapped up and laying down in storage all summer long could find the energy to break!) The top of the tree looks like it's had one too many eggnogs! It's currently being held fairly upright (if you lean slightly!) with a swell duct tape job I did...which screamed "Po' White Trash", so I covered it with black electrical tape which now only murmurs "redneck!"
     The Second thing I discovered...

...one of the strands of lights refuses to come on...and yes...I discovered this lovely fact AFTER I had laden the tree with all of the ornaments! (NOTE TO SELF: next year check the lights BEFORE adding decorations! Of course, the way this is going, next year we'll have a new tree so...Never Mind!) There was NO WAY I was going to take off all the ornaments, unstring the lights, find the miscreant strand, fix or replace it, then restring and redecorate. My Holiday Spirit does not go that far! I plugged and replugged, wrangled and tangled, then finally threw my hands up in the air in defeat and turned the "power failure" side towards the wall.

     I'll be getting a new tree during the "After Christmas" sales (which will probably start on December 15th!) But I'm wondering - what do I do with my old faithful Faux Tannenbaum? Can't give it to the local thrift store...its busted! Can't give it to the Fire Department for their annual "Dehydrated Tree lights Living Room on fire" demonstration - its fake! Can't have a Yule Log burning in the backyard and send it off "Viking Style"...the toxic smoke from the poly-vinyl-acetate-whatever that it's made out of would stun the neighborhood cats!

     Perhaps we'll just have a simple retirement ceremony on Trash Day. If you listen closely - you might hear "Taps" being played!